Ringing in the new year with anxiety

Last year I barely blogged. Not a surprise. 

This year I doubt anything will change regarding my blogging frequency. For some writing is an escape from life, but for me it can be tedious and frustrating. I guess that's why I never really make an effort to write regularly. 

Without much warning, the decade has come to a close and we're now in 2020. Can you believe it? As a tradition, I'm recapping many (or very few) things that happened to me in the last decade. 

One thing I remember clearly from the decade was being in college, graduating, and finding my first real job. It wasn't fun, but it was also an important mark to real adulthood for me. I had a taste of my first hard-earned money, then my first big purchase, and my first resignation. Then I somehow ended up being a language teacher - something I had never once imagined. I had dreamed of being a doctor, engineer, newscaster, and on and on, but never a teacher. Surprisingly this job is not bad at all. In fact, I think I quite enjoy this career and that partly explains how I've stayed as a teacher for almost 5 years. 

Another remarkable thing for me this decade was the travelling I did. I visited new countries I had never been to before like Vietnam, Japan, China, Hong Kong and Korea. Some I went to with families, others with friends. Looking back, I think the past decade I had the privilege to experience new things and new places, and I hope I can continue to do that in the next one. 

My personal life and interests have also taken a whole new direction in the past few years. I got my first tattoo in 2014, and kept adding new ones every 2 years (incidentally). I'll definitely get some more in the next years, and will probably stop once I lose interest in tattoos. Besides tattoos, my taste in music has shifted a bit. I started listening to more K-hip hop music and that led me to attending some concerts. Being a fangirl is never a new concept for me, but liking Korean musicians so much was a novel thing for me. It's fun, though. Like, I find a new purpose in life. lol. 

The other drastic change is definitely my lifestyle and diet. I braced myself to be a vegetarian in 2017, fully transitioned to veganism in 2019, and have never looked back ever since. Eschewing animal products from my life is so rewarding and satisfying you just wanna do more and more to help those animals. It also opened my eyes to many social and environmental issues, which led me to change the way I consume and the brands I purchase. Fast fashion? Big no. Non cruelty free brands? Get lost. I even started to reduce my waste by buying from my local bulk stores, refusing single-use plastics, and recycling my trash. Now for some people my lifestyle might be extreme, but it's only because they don't understand it and only think of themselves. Most who complain and sneer are those who own at least one car, travel abroad every now and then, have no trouble buying food, and live comfortably in a nice house. Yet they're so loud at judging others who try to be decent human beings. They're afraid of changes because maybe these changes will affect their businesses, make them lose some profits, and disturb their bubbles a bit. Oh it's just capitalism at its best. 

The last decade was also full of my one and only dog. I've got so invested in him that every time I am away for more than 4 hours I feel a pang of guilt. I've had him since he was a puppy, and now that he's almost 12, I worry even more about him. His clock is ticking, he starts developing many health problems, and it takes longer for him to recover from them. I remind myself every day that he'll be gone one day, and I try to prepare myself for it, but it just worsens my anxiety. I become slightly overprotective, for better or for worse. With every slight change or oddity I see in him I break into cold sweat, playing the worst case scenario in my head. It's unhealthy, I know, but he's my whole world so I just can't help it. His vet visits get more and more frequent, and his medical bills start soaring to an all-new high. By now I've sorta accepted this situation as my new normal. It's frustrating at times, but it's not his fault. I just want him to live his life to the fullest, and one day when he decides to leave me for good, I just hope he leaves in peace with no pain, knowing that he's loved tremendously. 

How has life treated you? Let me close this post with a poem I discovered just last December, though it has been circulating for much longer than I am alive, I believe. Dear readers, I wish you enough.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good bye.

I wish you enough.