Another Birthday

Oh hey, 25. I'm sorry you won't be around much longer cause I'll have to trade you in with a bigger number, 26 - not that I mind, though. 

Age is not just a number, apparently. At least not in Indonesia. When you're past 23, people start asking you about marriage and children, so imagine the pressure when you're halfway through your 20s: IMMEASURABLE. I guess this is what I dislike the most about my country. Most Indonesian women need external validations to feel whole, to feel like they belong, to feel like they don't defy their nature as 'women'. For instance, to avoid the derogatory term spinster, Indonesian women should (read: must) settle down before 30, though men have the privilege to stay single until much older before facing the same judgement. Marriage is then seen only as a tool and a legal way for reproduction. Being married and not having children is sadly also seen as a sin, unless there is a medical condition that hinders you from bearing one, which then triggers fake sympathy from others who will insensitively suggest different methods of having children, while at the same time you risk being the talk of the town. It doesn't matter if you only manage to scrape by on the little salary you and your spouse receive, if your marriage is actually a mistake, or if you have no clue about child-rearing, yet you own like 3 or more children. After all, you're in a much better condition than those unlucky spinsters. Are you, though? 

Thus, in an attempt to gain peace and avoid being stuck in those incredulous aforementioned scenarios, I've started attending fewer family gatherings to avoid being asked formalities like partners or marriage. I choose my f**k wisely. I give less damn about others. "Screw them! Screw you!" I'll exclaim. Still, criticism and judgement are unavoidable, and sometimes certain social settings just cannot be avoided, but at least I try to minimize the impacts. All for the sake of my own well-being. 

Hadn't I been the selfish, ignorant girl that I am, I would have had to deal with even worse anxieties and possible depressions. Living in predominantly male-dominated society, I have gotten used to the stares and pity of others, but I never let that get to me, for I know my own self-worth. 

Bottom line is, fret not, women. Be someone you want to be regardless of others' expectations of you. Do not let them define you. You want to settle down and have some kids? Good for you, but don't expect others to have the same goals and priorities and vice versa. Do something because you truly want it, not because you feel like you have to do it. No one is entitled to your lives but you.

On a different note, hello 26. Let's age together, freely and gracefully, without pretenses.