The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

WARNING: This post contains some graphic language (mainly starts with an F and ends wih a K)

I've known for so long that I give too many fucks to too many menial issues. This habit isn't healthy, but it's hard to position your mind to change when it's been like that for years. I need some sort hard slaps on the face to snap me out of this mind fuckery fucks. Then this book appears. 

Mark Manson, a star blogger, a thinker, and an author publishes his first book about living a good life. Among so many self-help, motivational books out there, his stands out for several reasons. First, the title of the book itself is catchy: The subtle art of not giving a fuck. There aren't many motivational books out there which drop the F bomb for titles. Second, he claims that his book is a counter-intuitive approach, different from others.

I've decided that I'm not gonna write a review on this book. Instead, I'll try to summarize some main points and lessons I've got from it that I find the most helpful and useful. 

#1 Choose Your Fucks Wisely 

Basically, to feel truly alive, we need to give a fuck about something but not everything. Some things just aren't worth giving fucks about. So we must choose wisely. Often times, our life values will define which matters are worth mulling over and fighting for. Thus, we have to make sure that we can determine good values and metrics in our life so that pleasure and success will naturally emerge as a result. 

Good values are 1) reality based, 2) socially constructive, 3) immediate and controllable.
Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive, 3) not immediate or controllable.  

How do you know if your values are good? Well, the easiest and simplest way is to see whether your values are achieved internally instead of being reliant on external events. In other words, healthy values are not based on some external validations. Popularity, for example, is a bad value because to measure popularity, we must always seek the opinions and validations from others. You can't be your own judge to know how popular you are. Honesty, self respect, humility, and compassion, on the other hand, are examples of healthy values.  

#2 You're Always Responsible

Being alive means to constantly be bombarded by problems and challenges, big or small. We might not have controls of what happens in our life, but we are still responsible for everything. Is your car rear ended when you stop in the red light? Well, it's definitely not your fault, but you're still responsible for your actions afterwards. Will you make peace with the other driver, or will you take this case to the police and take some legal measures? Are you going to stay calm and collected, or are you going to curse that seemingly drunk, under age driver and pick a fight? In the end, your actions are your choice and your responsibility. No one else is responsible for what happens in your life and how you handle it.

"With great responsibility comes great power. The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibilities for our problems is thus the first step to solving them."

How can I get paid more? How can I get my co-workers to support me? How do I know if this girl/boy likes me back? Why do people hate me? Why do they treat me differently? 

The thing is, we all need to stop asking how and start acting on it. Everyone but us knows the answers to those seemingly complicated questions. The answers are simple but not easy. It's ultimately our choice to go through the pain to find the answer we're looking for, to get through the pain and tragedy, to stop that victim mentality and come out happier and more successful.

#3 Be A Little Less Certain About Yourself

Most of the time we think we are right and everybody is wrong. We are misunderstood, and no one understands us because we feel so special. Well, sorry to spoil the party but it's way more likely that we're not as right as we like it to be. 

Another lesson Mark puts in the book is way to doubt ourselves. It means to constantly asking what if we're wrong, what it would mean if we're wrong, and whether being wrong create a better or a worse problem than our current problem, for both ourselves and others. 

I hate going into details as I want you to also pick the book up and read for yourself, but let me get to the bottom line: 

If it feels like it's you versus the world, chances are it's really just you versus yourself. 

#4 We're all gonna die anyway

In the last chapter of this book, Mark Manson reminds us of our imminent deaths. We may escape our problems if we choose to, we may be victorious and filthy rich, but in the end we'll come back to dust. To nothingness. Knowing that our lives are limited, we should then care more about what legacy we want to leave behind once we cease to physically exist. 

Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life. We're all mortals, so what are we so afraid of? 

#5 Stop Trying

The last lesson I wanna conclude this post with is the lesson of accepting negativity and turning it as fuels to move forward. Stop trying to be happy. If you're not happy, accept it, then do something about it. Don't try to stay positive all the time. Life fucks us all. Sometimes it sucks. But accepting that it sucks is one step to solving the suckness namely our problems. Feeling 'falsely positive' only means denial and nothing's good will come out of that.

The world doesn't owe you anything. In fact, you're not entitled to anything. You either earn it or you don't. 

Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.

Well, hopefully by now I've coaxed you into purchasing the book or maybe borrowing it from a friend. I love it a lot since Mark Manson knows how to play with words. There's no overly complicated, flowery words. He's not gonna sugar-coat things for the readers to feel good. He's blunt and direct. And I like it. Oh, have I mentioned that he can be hilarious as well? ;)